Thirteen years. It’s been thirteen years since we welcomed a God blessed gift into our life. But it wasn’t an easy gift to accept. It took months to comprehend it all, and months (and perhaps years) to grasp how life-changing it has been. Today marks the day that we had to shift from welcome to goodbye.
A day when reality set in.
A day of contrasts. Joy. Sorrow. Helplessness. Trust. Laughter. Tears. Blessings. Questions. Turmoil. Rest. Life’s beginnings. Death’s door.
Abigail was born on August 3, 1999. Bittersweet joy. Encompassing grace. Questions filled our heart, but also peace penetrated to our very being. Peace, when life revealed was certain death for our newborn.
Grief over the realization that we wouldn’t get to raise her, but joy in knowing that everything she would ever truly know would be given to her from the arms of her Creator.
Grace to the full.
There was comfort in a promise. A promise of knowing we would be reunited with her one day when God has finished His work in us here on our temporary home.
Open ended. Without clear answers. Without…all the answers we sought. But in the end, and even now, the answer is always entwined with the One who has all the answers, God. Even as some of the answers still lay unrevealed, I will trust the One who knows them all.
Out of grief, rebirth happens. It is only when we allow God to do His Work in us that we finally see that the answers we sought are there all along. His answers are revealed little by little, but only as we shed ourselves in the process. Even though it hurts, we must put on Christ, daily, in order that He can be seen more and more in our lives. Then the realization will come that some of the answers to our questions will only be answered in His Presence when the whole picture of His Process is revealed.
I love that about Him. He doesn’t treat us like we’re robots, but He treats us like we are His.
Abigail is His. He gave her to us, only to take her back into His Presence. And with that moment on August 4, 1999, He graced us with another gift, that of BLESSING. Yes, I said, blessing. It was again a gift revealed. One wrapped up in His Love, His Strength, and His Rest. Those three things: His love, His strength, and His rest are always there even in the moments of our greatest grief. We just have to open it, and let Him pour it over us.
On this side of Heaven, I’ll never fully know what her life, her testimony given to us as our testimony, has done in the life of others, but I’m thankful He wouldn’t let me keep His Words closed up inside.
Don’t keep what God has done in you, only to yourself; it is a gift He gave you to share with the world. It’s all His Grace anyway!
Always grateful in His Service,
Latanya and Billy Wagner